Medicine
by Bat-teen 28
Summary: Riddler's ill and Jester's the only one to look after him. I feel sorry for him, I really do. :)


Medical help.

Note: My first new Cell 22B story, hope you guys enjoy it! :D If you check out my profile, it will explain why I have deleted a lot of my stories. :)

* * *

"I said no!"

"But Eddie-"

"NO! Just no!"

Edward Nigma was not having one of his better days. Ordinarily he would be sitting in front of his computers, typing away, hacking into the FBI's system for a laugh, but not today. For one he was ill and for two, to top it all off, his part time helper and full time annoyance, also known as Jester, was trying to be his _nurse_.

"You're ill Eddie, let me help!" Jester pleaded.

Edward pulled the blankets closer to his chest and glared at her. "No."

Jester huffed and folded her arms, with a pouting look on her face, but then her eyes brightened as she got an idea. "It's because I don't look the part, right? I don't look like a nurse, so you won't have me as a nurse."

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes and said in a sarcastic voice. "Oh yes, that's exactly the reason."

"I knew it would be!"

"Wha-?!"

"Hang on, I'll be right back!" shouted Jester as she ran out of the hideout.

"It's not like I'm planning on going anywhere!" Edward shouted back angrily.

Finally she had gone, but what could he do now? He was still ill and now he had a headache, though that could be from Jester's whining.

He lay his head down on a pillow and huffed in slight annoyance. Being ill was so inconvenient, it got in the way of everything. His amazing heist he'd planned to the last detail could not be done because he was ill, all that hard work, hacking and riddle making for nothing.

That was just enough to actually hope Jester would be his nurse so she could drive him insane and he wouldn't care, but that was not going to happen and if Jester came near him with any surgical equipment that was meant for the brain he was going to kill her.

A small smile spread across his face as he felt the head ache slowly leave, but then that smile turned into a grimace as the door to his hideout was thrown open by Jester in a nurse's outfit.

"Oh no, she thought I was serious," Edward muttered as a look of abject horror formed on his face.

"Hey Eddie, I'm back all done proper too! Harley helped me," Jester proclaimed as she came running over to him, carrying a doctor's bag in her hand.

"Then I'm surprised you are as covered as you are," Edward mused.

Jester rolled her eyes and placed the bag on the table in front of him, it was full of shiny pointy things that Edward was not too keen about Jester holding, for his safety not hers.

"I'm nurse Jester, I'll be helping you back into a fit and healthy state," she explained with a grin on her face.

Edward gulped and eyed the bag full of surgical equipment. "Where, exactly, did you get that from?" he questioned.

Jester smiled. "I payed Tommy Eliot a visit, he sorted it all out and got everything for me."

"Doesn't Tommy Eliot use that equipment to make his masks out of skin? On dead people?!"

"Yes… I think he does, but don't worry he told me how to sterilise it and everything!"

"Oh that fills me with so much confidence," Edward dead panned.

"Yeah, yeah. I hear Ya' more then frilled. But listen Eddie, I've been taking lessons from Jonny on how to look after injures," Jester laughed as she rummaged through the bag.

"Forgive me if I do not look confident from that statement," Edward drawled.

"Eddie, you don't have to be so suspicious of every one," Jester scolded as she pulled out the thermometer. "Now, open wide. I need to take your temperature."

"Not going to happen," Edward growled.

"But Eddie-"

"No!"

"Something tells me we've done this before."

"We probably have."

"Eddie, I'm a nurse. Look!" cried Jester as she pointed to the silly little white hat with the red cross on it, which was perched on top of black and white hair. "See? Only nurses ware such stupid things!"

Edward sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Is there someone else you could annoy?"

"Treat Eddie, I'm treating you for your illness," Jester corrected.

"I feel better already," Edward muttered.

"No… you still look a little green around the edges," Jester said as she sorted through her bag again.

"I'm in a room full of green lights. Of course I look green!" Edward shouted.

He was loosing his temper rapidly, not that he could do much once he'd lost it. He was ill after all, but there was always later when he wasn't ill.

He smiled at the prospect of sweet revenge against Jester… true she was only trying to help, but there was such a thing as too much help.

"Eddie. Trust me you don't have to worry about me coming anywhere near you to perform surgery, besides I left the bone saw at home," Jester exclaimed with a light pat to his back.

Edward relaxed a little but he couldn't help the utter dead weighted feeling of dread in his stomach as Jester fiddled through her bag once again.

"The bolt cutters however…" Jester trailed off before frowning. "Oh… I must of left them too…" Edward grinned and then it fell into terrified silent straight line. "Ah! Here they are, hiding from me again, naughty, naughty, naughty boy!" Jester scolded the poor, slightly rusty, not looking very clean bolt cutters before giving then a quick try to make sure they worked.

"Jester… I want you to put those down and call Sphinx, I'm feeling batter now," Edward explained as he slowly sat up.

"But Eddie, you have no need to worry, I'm a trained professional in opening people's rib cages," laughed Jester.

"While keeping them alive?!"

"Urr… that bit not so much, but I can open it for you. You get to see loads of really cool things!"

"Oh I bet you do…. but I'm not in the mood to see them right now…. so…. call Sphinx!" Edward growled.

"But I thought you didn't like her?" Jester questioned.

"What? Of course I like her, what ever made you think I didn't?" asked Edward with a puzzled look on his face.

"Umm…. when you said 'Jester, I hate Sphinx', that kinda' made me assume that you hated her," Jester said with an equally puzzled look on her face.

Edward shook his head. "Look, just get her here. Now!"

"But I'm your nurse."

"Jester I really don't need a nurse," Edward hissed. "I just need somebody who's sane," he muttered the last part under his breath.

"Well, if you're sure. I'll call her right now, just you sit tight and don't over do it," Jester shouted as she ran off to find his phone.

Edward sighed and lay his head against the pillow as he waited for his 'nurse' to come running back and let him know when Sphinx would be here.

Jester came running back with a huge grin on her face. "She's on her way. Said she should be here in a few minutes."

"Okay, thank you. You can leave now," Edward muttered as he waved her off.

"Oh no, as your nurse I can not leave you by yourself," Jester said as she wagged her finger at him.

Edward slumped even further into his seat on the sofa at those words.

"Any way, I have a question I would like to ask you," Jester said, with a wicked grin spreading across her face.

Edward gulped. "Go on."

"What's your true feelings for Sphinx?" asked Jester before bursting out laughing as Edward went bright red.

"I.. err, I um… what do you mean?" he stuttered, while getting redder and redder by the minute.

"Oh, I think you know what I mean," Jester giggled. "Do you fancy her? Is she… the one for you?"

Edward wondered if he had broken the record for the most embarrassed person on the planet, he could feel the tips of his ears heat up too.

"I… I… " he looked up at Jester who nodded her head for him to continue.

Just then his saviour, in the form of Sphinx, came into the room. "Ohh… Eddie, you really don't look well," she exclaimed.

"I told you Ya' didn't!" Jester cried as she got her stuff. "Well I must be off, Croc's got an infected tooth, got to get it out. Ya' know I think I would be a real good nurse."

"I bet you would," Edward said quickly. "Now get out!"

Jester huffed and walked out of the room.

Sphinx chuckled. "You're too hard on her, she really does care for you."

"A little too much if you ask me," Edward growled.

"I wasn't. Now, hot chocolate sound nice?" asked Sphinx as she walked over to him.

"A hot chocolate sounds lovely, sweetheart," Edward said with a smile. "What?"

Sphinx stood there staring at him with her mouth open in shock. "You.. called me 'sweetheart'," she explained.

Edward went red again. "I didn't… umm, slip of the tongue. Err… hot chocolate correct?"

Sphinx blinked. "Umm, yeah. Hot chocolate."

Edward sighed and rested his head on the pillow. That was a close one.

Well, at least on the bright side, he had a proper Doctor to help him and not some insane child who believed she was a nurse just because she was wearing the outfit.

And somewhere deep in the sewers the sounds of painful roaring could be heard, before a light 'plink' and a "Told Ya' the bolt cutters would work."

THE END.


End file.
